January 29, 2018
The waiting is absolutely killing me. Justin and I will go to the OB tomorrow morning for our follow-up ultrasound. I still have no symptoms of miscarriage, but that doesn’t mean that we are in the clear. My biggest fear is that we will go in tomorrow and there will no longer be a heartbeat.
However, I still feel very much pregnant, so I figured I would write a quick update.
How far along: We thought we should be 10 weeks, but perhaps only 7 weeks and a few days? I really do not know for sure. The midwife did not give us a new due date after the first ultrasound.
Gender prediction: Just a healthy nugget please.
Weight gain/loss: Still at the same weight. Which is miraculous, considering my recent eating habits.
Have you told family & friends? No. I told my mom (I needed support!) right after we found out. We are planning on telling Justin’s parents & sister this weekend, regardless of tomorrow’s outcome.
Maternity clothes: None bought, and I’ve stopped browsing websites, in fear that I may jinx myself.
Sleep: So-so. The stress is getting to me, for sure. Last night I woke up multiple times from sneezing fits, but once I was up my mind would race for a while. All the “what-ifs” and over-analyzing every “growl” I hear come from my stomach.
Best moment this week: Not doing anything all weekend. Literally, the only time the house was to go grocery shopping for an hour. I confined myself to the bed or the couch, focusing only on cooking this baby. Justin & I talked a lot about everything going on and that really helped. Knowing that I have a the most amazing husband in this with me is comforting.
Worst moment this week: The fear. The unknowns. The what-ifs. & So, so many tears.
Miss anything: Wine. Normally I would have a glass of wine to ease my anxieties, but that just isn’t possible in this scenario.
Cravings: Pizza, Bagels, Hashbrowns, Grilled Cheese (again, ALL THE CARBS), Chocolate.
Queasy or sick: Nothing is making me “sick” but several times this weekend I would think a food sounded good, and I would get it out of the fridge or cabinet to make it, and then I would change my mind. We were trying to come up with dinners for this week prior to grocery shopping and I know I was frustrating Justin. I would think something sounded good, and then a few minutes later, I’d say “eh, nevermind. That doesn’t sound good anymore.”
Belly Button in or out? Innie. But I swear, my stomach is starting to feel hard already!
Wedding rings on or off? On
Happy or Moody most of the time: Moody. One minute I would feel optimistic, and the next I would feel devastated. I feel like this is more so related to our situation, rather than pregnancy in general, though.
I watched a TV show on Saturday night in which a daughter was telling her parents that she’s pregnant, and I just lost it. I was sobbing. And this morning I almost cried when I couldn’t reach the jelly at the very top, very back of the fridge. #hormones
Looking forward to: The ultrasound tomorrow. I am praying so hard that the doctors see positive changes from last week. Fetal growth, a slightly less abnormally-shaped gestational sac, and a strong heartbeat. Oh, Please God.
I really wish I could make this post live and ask you all for your prayers now rather than later. We could certainly use them.