Happy Thanksgiving, everyone!
Look, I’m not going to lie. This year, being thankful feels tough. Many days I wake up feeling like the world is against me, and since nothing has gone my way, that it never will. I felt like it was especially important for me to write this, because it forced me to dig a little deeper, and really reflect on the things I DO have to be thankful for.
My Kickass Husband & The World’s Best Dog. I am incredibly thankful for my little family. We learned quickly, in less than a year’s worth of marriage, just how important it is to lean on each other for support. Justin has been there for me every single minute of every single day. Rudy never left my side as I recovered from my surgeries, and has licked my tears away more times than I can count.
Our Home. With all that is happening in California, I feel thankful that we have a house to come home to every day, with a warm bed to sleep in at night. It’s been easy for us to get frustrated during our current bathroom renovation, but we must not lose sight of how lucky we are to have bathrooms at all! Being without luxurious bubble baths for a couple months is certainly not the end of the world.
This post has sat like this for weeks. I didn’t have the heart to finish it. Then, I came across this article and it all suddenly made sense. It’s really, really hard to feel thankful, when feel let down. Sometimes depressed, even.
At Friendsgiving, I’m surrounded by friends and their beautiful babies. Of course I am so happy for them, but it also arises feelings of grief. Longing for what I should have. They might complain about being sleep deprived, but have no idea how much I would kill to be in their shoes. At Thanksgiving, family tip toes around us, careful not to say anything that might be upsetting. I know deep down they, too, are wishing we would add a little one to the family chaos soon.
I’ve said it a million times, but I’ll say it again. Infertility, pregnancy loss, infant loss – they’re all things that happen every day, but something you won’t have empathy for unless you’ve experienced it first hand. I feel lucky that quite a few old friends have reached out recently to check on me. You gals know who you are, and if you’re reading this, please know how appreciative I am of you, and that I’m praying for you as well. XOXO
So like the article states, I’m choosing to give myself some grace this holiday season. No, this post wasn’t up in time. Yes, I’ve been in a month-long funk. But, I’m determined to try my best to enjoy this time of year, and not dwell on the constant reminders of what my days could’ve/should’ve been like. Seasons change, and this too, shall pass.