October 2, 2018
As a woman who is typically great with words, I seem to be speechless right now. There are no words which accurately describe the whirlwind of the last 48 hours. To say that we feel heartbroken, helpless, and devastated, would be an understatement.
I never imagined that this would actually happen again, yet here we are. Today was my second D&C surgery. I’m thankful to have gotten it over with ASAP, and the procedure itself went seamlessly, but it felt like a cruel deja vu. I hate that when I was asked “what pregnancy is this for you?” I had to answer, “my second.” I hate that I knew what to expect today and in the coming weeks:
The 8 weeks worth of pregnancy hormones suddenly depleting; The burning and bruising of my arms from blown veins from IVs, and being reminded how “uncooperative” my veins are; The irritation rash from all the adhesives stuck to my chest, side and back; The stabbing uterine cramps; The shooting back cramps; The 4-6 weeks of bleeding; The flu-like aches, pains and weakness throughout my body; The depression.
Truth is, I’ve lost TWO babies in a 9 month span – the time it should take to grow ONE, fully healthy baby.
In the words of my doctor, my body has been through a lot of trauma and “needs a break.” She recommended we wait 6 months before trying again, which is not at all what I wanted to hear. She’s fearful that because the tissue had begun deteriorating, there may not be enough to test, or cultures may not grow to give us answers. Either way, we are not giving up. Justin and I will be having bloodwork done for genetic testing (as soon as the hormones in my blood are back to normal) to help narrow down the issue. We are determined to find answers, and do everything we can to prevent this from happening again.
As much as this all sucks, I know this will all feel worth it once we have our rainbow baby in our arms. 🌈 We must persist. We must be strong. We must have faith.
Thank you to all our friends and family who have sent beautiful cards, flowers, food, thoughtful messages and prayers. We greatly appreciate every bit, and quite honestly, can use every ounce of hope you have to spare. I have no idea how we are going to make it through this nightmare a second time without the love and support of all of you.
Thank you, from the bottom of our hearts.