Since our second loss, I have felt that it’s time to make some changes for the benefit of my health and well-being.
Going to Church/Becoming More Spiritual
I grew up Catholic, and went to Catholic schools from kindergarten through twelfth grade, so faith was a regular part of my life — whether I wanted it to be or not. Now that I’m 30, nobody is forcing me to go to church anymore, and Justin isn’t particularly religious, so I unintentionally cut it out of my life. After our first loss, I was pretty angry with God, and now after our second, that often feels amplified. Several people have said to me, “God doesn’t give you more than you can handle” but I guess my question to God is – What makes You think I can handle this?! I find myself doubting Him. Everything we are going through totally sucks, and there’s so much about fertility and reproduction that we don’t understand (which leads me to my second point), and I just feel as though the many years of faith I had built up has been depleted.
In short, I’m going to start going to Church again. I think it will be good for me to have a weekly reminder to be grateful for what I do have, and who knows, maybe appreciating His work will help us bring us a little miracle. However, I’m not sure that the Catholic Church I grew up going to is the best fit for me now. I can hardly believe it, but I have talked Justin into checking out a church near our house this Sunday. There’s a good chance I might get emotional at some point, depending on the sermon, but I’m also pretty excited about it.
To my readers who are local to Cincinnati, what Church do you attend, and why do you love it? Drop a comment below so I can check it out!
Reading/Becoming More Knowledgeable
After our second loss, a good friend lent me a bunch of books on miscarriage that she found helpful after her loss. Prior to this, I had already requested a couple books from our local library on aspects of the same subject. Enter, tower of books:
I plan to stuff my brain with as much knowledge I can, in a healthy way. If there is one thing I have learned this year, it’s that I must be an advocate for my own health, and learning about the process is Step 1.
Cleaning up my Diet/Exercising
I’ve read about “The Fertility Diet” but fertility isn’t necessarily my issue. I just figured I should be more mindful overall, of what I’m putting into my body. Put simply – fill it with more good, nutritious food, and less junk. Adding in some rich “fertility-friendly” foods is just an added bonus.
I’ve already touched on exercise a little bit in this post, but the hardest part about exercise is sticking to it! I need to implement a regimen and make time for it every single day. With the weather getting cooler, it becomes more and more appealing to cozy up under a heated blanket in front of the TV instead of working out, but I have to keep my end goal in mind, and that is to get my body to it’s optimal, healthiest state, to carry a healthy baby.
Giving Up Alcohol
No, not forever, but for a while. Even before I found out I was pregnant, people watched me like a hawk, and I was ridiculously, furiously aware of it. Everyone always paid attention to whether or not I had a drink in my hand, and made comments if I didn’t – “Not drinking tonight? Oh, you must be pregnant!” It seriously stressed me out, SO MUCH. I have never been a heavy drinker, so it should not be surprising when I turn down a drink, but rumors would start if I did. I used to only drink socially because it helped me let my guard down and be more chatty (because I’m always anxious in social situations) but I’ve learned that isn’t healthy, either. Not to mention, I’m fearful that if I don’t make myself abstain from alcohol for a while, I might become dependent on it. Not in the addictive sense, but dependent on it to numb the pain, or drown out what’s going on around me until I can go home. I think it’s best if I cut it out of my life for a while, (with the exception of special occasions, like a glass of good champagne at Christmas) face my grief, and work toward being my best, healthiest self.